Ash vs Me
by The Experimental Film
Summary: A really old fic, written when I sucked at fanfiction. Well, I still suck. But this is to a far worse degree.


Author's note: I wrote this story just to show that the programmers of the Pokemon show pity Ash by showing him beating everyone with a pikachu that still knows Thundershock.

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Ash and co. were walking down Route 34 in Johto. (That's where I hang out)

A pidgey appears.

ASH: (pulling out Dexter) Wow, what's that?

DEXTER: Pidgey, you dolt.

ASH: Oh.

ME: (jumping out of tree) Hi!

ASH: Who are you?

ME: I am the author of this fic-

ASH AND CO.: Uh…Bye!

ME: And I challenge you to a match!

ASH: What…I accept!

MISTY: Ash! He's the **_author._**

# ASH: So?

ME: Six pokemon each. First one whited out loses. Go, Ho-oh!

ASH: Go, Squirtle!

ME: Sacred Fire!

ASH: Bubble!

**Squirtle faints**

# ASH: Hey!

ME: Yes??? J

## ASH: Uhhhhh…

MISTY: I told you!

BROCK: What happened?

Misty pulls her mallet out of the air and whacks Brock.

BROCK: Owwwww………

ASH: Told me what?

MISTY: That he's the **_author!_**

ASH: So?

Misty pulls her mallet out of the air and this time whacks Ash.

ASH: Owwwww………

ME: (impressed) Wow…

ASH: (recovering) Um…go, I don't know….

ME: Go, Butterfree!

## ASH: Oh, yeah! Go, Charizard!

EVERYBODY: ASH!!!!!

CHARIZARD: Char…(Turns around and fries Ash)

ASH: I've always wondered why Mom called me Ash.

Charizard now turns and fries Butterfree.

BUTTERFREE: Free!

**Butterfree faints**

ME: Wow…

## JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation…

JAMES: To unite all people within our nation…

EVERYBODY: BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAMES: (pouting) Let us finish the motto…L

Jessie takes her mallet out of air and whacks James.

ME: (calmly) Yeah, whatever. Go, Ursaring!

URSARING: Ur! Saring!

## ASH: What? When? Who? Where? Why? How? Oh! Go, Bulbasaur!

ME: Fury Swipes!

BULBASAUR: Saur!

**Bulbasaur faints**

**Poketranslator ON**

URSARING: Ooh! Are those berries? (runs around picking berries out of peoples pockets)

URSARING: Ooh! Here's a big one! (picks a sunkern out of Erika's pocket)

ERIKA: Hey!

SUNKERN: Sun! Kern!

Brock sees Erika and his eyes turn into hearts.

BROCK: It's Erika!

Ursaring runs off, closely followed by Erika, who's closely followed by Brock.

BROCK: Hey! Wait up!

PIKACHU: (grumbles) Why do I have to do everything? Get out of here!

TEAM ROCKET: Team Rocket's blasting off again!!!!!!!!!!

## MEOWTH: What about me?

PIKACHU: Go away.

ME: Would you like to continue?

ASH: Of course!

ME: All right. Go, Gastly!

GASTLY: Gastly (fades away)

ME: I hate it when he does that.

## BROCK: What happened?

ME: Nothing. Go, Mareep!

**Ash creams Mareep**

ME: Okay. Let's change the rules. We each put out our prize pokemon. They fight and whoever wins is the winner of the tournament.

## MISTY: Hey, that's not fair!!

ME: And your point is?

MISTY: Um….

ME: Let's go, Feraligatr!

## ASH: And in return, Pikachu!

FERALIGATR: You want me to beat this twerp?

PIKACHU: Yeah! Come and fight, you big bully!

FERALIGATR: (shrugging) Whatever.

ME: Hydro Pump!

Feraligatr sends Pikachu into oblivion.

PIKACHU: Pikachu's blasting off again!!!

ASH AND CO.: **PIKACHU!**

Ash and co. run after Pikachu.

ME: (left in a cloud of dust) Oooooooookay.

TEAM ROCKET: Will you star us in your next fic?

ME: Does that mean this fic is over?

## TEAM ROCKET: Yes.

ME: Whatever.

TEAM ROCKET: Yay! (run off singing, "you know us as Team Rocket and we fight for what is wrong…")

ME: **blinking** Okay, then. Viewers, PLEASE REVIEW! 

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As I said in here, PLEASE REVIEW! But, changing the subject, could someone please tell me who Tia is? I know I said I'd star Team Rocket in the next fic but I want to include her. Is she some mystical thing created by ffn writers or is she a dragonair from the Pokemon show that really likes Ash? Please tell me.

GIOVANNI: WHAT!?! An entire fic has gone by and I wasn't even mentioned? That's an outrage. I must have a word with the author. 

A few minutes later a mangled Bird Boy enters fanfic authors' break room.

ME: That's it! I mean it that's it! I positively give up including myself in fanfics!

## ARTICUNO: Why?

ME: No clue! But if it keeps Giovanni away, I'm doing it!

## TOBIASFAN: Wait a minute. Am I the only one with an ounce of sense?

ALL AUTHORS: Nooooo…..

TOBIASFAN: Then why does it seem that unauthorized personnel (CHEESEWIZARDMON: Whoa…) are listening in on us this very minute?

ME: AAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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So? Love it? Hate it? Death Threats? Review, or else!


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